


The Biscuit Massacre

by willow_larkspur



Series: Gwen's Competition Fics [91]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Chocolate Covered Blackberry Jammy Dodgers, Desi James Potter, Desi Potters, Dragon Lily, F/M, First Apartment, Genderfluid Sirius Black, Lily Evans Potter's Animagus Form is a Dragon, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Nonbinary Sirius Black, Over Cookies, Sirius Black is Useless, Sirius Black is a Little Shit, suggested violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21914530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willow_larkspur/pseuds/willow_larkspur
Summary: James & Lily are moving into their first apartment. Like any good friend, Sirius is helping them move. Unfortunately for James, that's where Sirius stops helping.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, The Marauders - Relationship
Series: Gwen's Competition Fics [91]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1250309
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32
Collections: Monthly Challenges for All (2019)





	The Biscuit Massacre

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Magi Silverwolf (Magi_Silverwolf)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magi_Silverwolf/gifts).



> Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I’m just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn’t going to get you anything but tears.  
> Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if that’s you.  
> Author’s Note: Give me a prompt about cookies and you know what will show up: chocolate-covered blackberry jammy dodgers. I’ve had these things—homemade, of course, because what Sirius says about them being commercially available is unfortunately true—and let me tell you that Magi’s Granny was totally onto something when she swapped out the jam. Pouring chocolate over them was a sheer stroke of brilliance.

(^^)  
**The Biscuit Massacre**  
(^^)

"Where should I put this box?" Sirius asked as he came through the door. James quickly dropped Lily's biscuit tin, slamming the lid back into place. He swallowed his mouthful quickly. Then promptly started coughing as the barely chewed cookies choked him. Sirius dropped his box on the couch in order to beat James on the back. "You're stealing Lily's biscuits?"

"I can't help it," James confessed, covering his mouth to keep from spraying crumbs everywhere. "I didn't think they would be good, but they are so good."

"You know that Remus makes those for her special," Sirius pointed out. He frowned at James. "Blackberry jammy dodgers are not made commercially, let alone ones that are also covered in chocolate. Lily is gonna murder you if she finds out."

"Why am I killing James?" Lily asked as she came into the flat with an armful of clothing on hangers. Not waiting for a real answer, she continued onto the room that she and James had claimed for themselves. As she went, she called over her shoulder, "you have about three minutes to figure out an excuse to avoid bloodshed."

"You've got to help me, Padfoot," James begged. Sirius looked like he was wanting to run away and never look back. James rushed on to explain why he needed help in the first place. "I've eaten all but two!"

"You're joking, right?" Sirius began to shove bowls and plates into the kitchen cupboard with frenetic motions, as if he could get it all put away in the time window that Lily had given. "What am I supposed to tell _your wife_ that could possible explain why her biscuit tin is empty? That they were poisoned?"

"Nobody is going to poison my biscuits," Lily announced as she came back into the main area of the flat. She settled on a stool near the breakfast bar that divided the kitchen from the rest of the space. James had to resist the urge to grab the biscuit tin and hide it behind him. Lily gave him a sharp smile that was full of teeth. "Is there something that you would like to confess, O husband?"

"Uh, maybe?" he replied hesitantly, trying to remember that Lily really wasn't as violent as her reputation would suggest. Yeah, she was ruthless and creative in duels and combat, but she really wasn't prone to fits of temper. That was just a stereotype for redheads, one that Lily didn't approve of. It wasn't like she was going to transform into her Animagus form and eat him or set him on fire. He swallowed hard before turning pleading eyes towards Sirius.

"He stole your jammy dodgers," Sirius announced without looking at either of them.

" _Traitor_ ," James snapped. Unfortunately, focusing on Sirius made James miss Lily reclaiming her biscuit tin and opening it.

" _Jamadagni Chandresh Potter_ ," Lily hissed, instantly reclaiming James' attention. Only his mother and grandmother had ever used his proper full name, and only ever when he was in deep, deep trouble. He could feel the blood draining from his face. He would have bet that he was almost as pale as Sirius. "You ate all of my biscuits?!"

"There's two left—" James cut himself off with a high-pitched scream as Lily lunged for him. No doubt their new neighbors would think that someone was being murdered from that. Sirius didn't help any with his barking laugh as he caught the pair of them before they could fall to the ground. Lily nipped at the tip of James' nose.

"You get to ask Remus for more," Lily ordered. James nodded frenetically. Anything to appease her. "And I get the first shower tonight."

**Author's Note:**

> Submitting Info:  
> Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 11); MC4A  
> Individual Challenges: Misunderstood; Black Ribbon; Black Ribbon Redux; Gryffindor MC (x3); Bow Before the Blacks; Seeds; Shipmas; Ways to the Heart; Minerva’s Migraine; Interesting Times; Old Shoes; Location, Location, Location; Themes & Things A [Love]; Ethnic & Present; True Colours; Rian-Russo Inversion; Flags & Ribbons; In a Flash; Yellow Ribbon; Yellow Ribbon Redux; Click Bait It  
> House: Hufflepuff  
> Assignment No.: Term 11 – Assignment 04  
> Subject (Task No.): Sociology (Task#3: Write about someone moving into their own place.)  
> Other Hogwarts Challenges: Insane Prompt Challenge [43](Frenetic); 365 [03](Bloodshed); Sci-Fi September [Green Goblin](Revenge theme); Mythology Club (Stealing)  
> Space Address (Prompt): Fa Bingo [2B] (Death)  
> Representation(s): James Potter/Lily Evans & Sirius Black; Desi James Potter  
> Bonus Challenges: Turtle-Duck; Second Verse (Ladylike; Not a Lamp; Persistence Still; Found Family; Nontraditional; Zucchini Bread; Unwanted Advice; Car in a Tutu; Lovely Coconuts; Grease Monkey); Chorus (Wabi Sabi; Peddling Pots; Tomorrow’s Shade; Larger than Life; Unicorn; Abandoned Ship; Head of Perseus; In the Trench; Surprise!)  
> Tertiary Bonus Challenges: T3 (Terse; Toad); SN (Rail; Ameliorate); FR (Liberation)  
> Word Count: 613


End file.
